Grief is the natural response to losing someone we love. It is not an illness, nor a sequence of stages to be completed; it is the process of finding a place for the loss within a continuing life.

Loss and the process of grief
Grief is not an illness but the natural consequence of attachment. Recovery is not forgetting but finding a place for the loss.

Expected responses

Grief is not only sadness. Common responses span the emotional, cognitive and physical at once.

Commonly reported responses

  • Intense sadness, yearning, episodes of crying
  • Anger — at fate, at those around you, at the health system, or at the person who died
  • Guilt and “if only” thoughts
  • Disbelief, a sense of unreality
  • Difficulty with attention and memory
  • Changes in sleep and appetite
  • Fatigue, tightness in the chest, physical pain
  • Hearing the person’s voice or sensing their presence

About the “five stages”

The idea that grief proceeds through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance in order is culturally widespread, but the research evidence does not support that linear sequence. Grief follows different patterns in different people; it oscillates back and forth, and good days and bad days are interwoven.

Why this matters: reading the stage model as a timetable leaves people asking “why am I not at acceptance yet?” and blaming themselves unnecessarily. Grief has no schedule.

What does prolonged grief mean?

Most forms of grief do not require professional intervention; they soften with time and social support. In some people, however, intense yearning and preoccupation with the loss do not diminish over many months and markedly disrupt functioning. This presentation is termed prolonged grief disorder, and in adults it is assessed no earlier than one year after the loss.

  • Intense and persistent yearning for the person who died
  • Loss of identity, a sense that part of oneself has gone
  • Marked difficulty accepting the loss
  • Avoidance of everything that recalls it
  • A persisting sense that life is meaningless

What helps during grief

  1. Make room for your responsesSuppressing feeling in the name of “being strong” lengthens the process. Crying, anger and yearning are part of grief.
  2. Keep a routineRegularity in sleep, eating and movement eases the physical load of grief.
  3. Do not avoid social supportYou do not have to talk. But the presence of people alongside you is among the strongest protective factors.
  4. Postpone major decisionsWhere possible, delay hard-to-reverse decisions about home, work or relocation in the first months.
Note: This article is for general information. It does not diagnose and is not a substitute for professional assessment. If your symptoms are making daily life difficult, consult a mental health professional. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, call your local emergency number — 112 in Türkiye — or go to the nearest emergency department.

Individual Counselling

Support in grief exists not to speed the process up but to make it bearable.

Read more →

References

  1. Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief. OMEGA — Journal of Death and Dying, 74(4), 455–473.
  2. World Health Organization. (2019). International Classification of Diseases (11th revision).